Thursday, March 04, 2010


They found the file on a CD hidden between pages of Whitman’s Leaves of Grass after ransacking his apartment searching for anything they could use to “put this guy away for good.”

It was juicy enough to get him several life sentences without using any other evidence against him. Emails back and forth with Bin Laundri himself, proof of connections they’d considered inventing just to make their case against the terrorists; it was all there. The only ones disappointed were the ones who wouldn’t be needed for torturing him or for computer graphic diagrammatic "proof" of weapons of mass destruction. Yusef ben Haden was the guy who would prove once and for all that the millions killed on and since 7/11/2407 were not victims of a megalomaniacal administration of profit driven war criminals.

The trial was in the highest courtroom in the land with global television coverage. It was Amiracle’s day to shine as the justifiable protector of planetary virtue once again.

When the head prosecutor handed the CD to the court clerk Yusef’s defense lawyer said, “Your honor, if it please the court, I would like to present my client’s confession as to the evidence you are about to witness as a preliminary to such a hearing.”

“I object, your honor. It is out of order and may prejudice the jury.”

“He’s confessing!”

After another half hour of trying to show how his eagerness to show the evidence was ignoring any help a cofession might present for his prosecution, the prosecutor relented and the judge said, “With no further objections from the prosecution, I’ll allow it.”

Sworn in, Yusef began, “My name is Herman Freeborne and I am a patriot who believes he must sometimes defend his country against its government. Rather than the sacrifice of innocent lives such evidence as is contained on this CD could cause in a civil war, I reasoned that if irrefutable evidence of criminal activity were exposed to the world in the highest court in the land justice could not fail to be done in a civilization for which our constitution is intended to stand.”

“The way I have accomplished that goal is to bait the criminals with juicy red meat they could feed the beast they’re breeding for endless wars. The red meat has razors in it. The evidence the prosecution brings before this court is Trojan horsemeat, your honor. All pleasing to the administration on the outside with the evidence I intended to get admitted to this court encrypted within the evidence they imagined existed and I invented just to get it this far.”

“It can be shown that the evidence I bring, when deciphered will begin uploading files for printout from all over the world collated in a coherent trail of massive use of our citizenry as fodder for the military-industrial complex’s colonization by occupation of the entire world for the purposes of owning the natural, commodifiable resources including the indigenous populations.”

“As a backup on what I have just said, the process I described began the moment the clerk received the CD and according to my iPhone is complete along with a time record of how many of the source sites for my evidence began trying to disconnect from the internet once I announced my purpose here. They were all too late, but if you’ll check the evidence to those particular sites, I think you’ll find them the more damning the higher up the chain of command they go.”

And everyone lived happily ever after, except the ones who weren’t needed for lying or torturing.


hvninhell said...

"profit driven criminals" that is what we're living with now! Ending couldn't be more tongue in cheek, eh?

JeffScape said...

Thinly-veiled commentary?

Many chuckles. Heh.

She Writes said...

I had to love the final line here! Nice.

Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog too! You were very generous in your comments and I can see the competition will be a stiff one!

Tom said...

i like all the little stuff sprinkled in amongst the words, which I read but in the end came nowhere near a coherant conclusion. My egg ain't filled all the way to the top.

Anonymous said...

Zippety-zap! And just like that, you've rounded up the crazed cattle and driven them over the cliff. SaWeet!